brazil: tick!

i get to work today to find an e-mail from F1:

so who's mr brazil?! do tell!

last night i came home from pizza with a sexy brazilian boy in tow and naturally F1 & F2 want to know all about him. he's a friend of a friend and did i mention, he's sex-ay!

it was clear after about five minutes that mr brazil was just not going to cut it with the hard stuff. but it was actually kind of sweet. he gave me a massage, cuddled me and was just generally very affectionate and loving. and yeah, i've had better sex, but i've definitely had worse, too. plus he picked his dirty condoms up off the floor before we left and that deserves extra points in my book.

i told you so

further to my last post...

a guy in finance asks me to bind something. although it seems like a simple task, it is not. i walk around the office begging people i don't really know to give me some of their binding supplies. i turn back to the finance guy to jokingly complain that he is getting me to do his dirty work for him. i catch him staring at my arse.

no word on the facilities boy as yet.

everyone wants to fuck you when you're a temp

the thing about being a temp is that everyone wants to fuck you. and i know i'm not imagining it, because i've checked this detail with my other friends who are temps. for a permanent office worker, fucking the temp has all the charm of an office romance with none of the embarrassment. after all, by the time it goes to shit, and you're ready to hurl insults about each others' sexual prowess, you won't even be working there anymore, will you? and hey, the benefits are clear for both parties.

when i walked into my first day of my temp assignment today, i was overcome with flirtatiousness. and, although, as a temp, i really am required to be at least a little charming, it really wasn't just charm that i was oozing. i flirted with at least 20 people today, and every one of them flirted back. but it wasn't until i found myself wondering how long it was going to take me to get that sexy facilities boy into bed, that i realised what was happening.

thinking back to my jemima days (when i was rather a lot funnier!), it's clear that this epiphany has actually been a long time coming. remember that swanky place where i broke the laminator and lost the shredder? i very nearly had sex with the accounts guy in the bathroom. after i left, i dated one of the service guys for about 9 months. and, even though it has been two years since i worked there, one of the sales guys has been in touch regularly over the last month: he has finally split up with his girlfriend and is begging me to come home to melbourne so that he can fuck my brains out. (who am i to say no??!)

oh and did i mention? i'm also going on a date with a man from the media company i temped at last week.

ben x 3

i know i haven't mentioned it before, but the truth is that benn with two ns is not the only non-eventful encounter with a ben that i've had recently. if i'm honest, in fact, "ben" is rather a common theme for me. it so happens that F2's boyfriend's best friend (did you follow that?!) is also named ben. and i think he's cute.

event 1 involving ben
it is F2's birthday and we are at the pub. i speak to a number of people and we have a good night. it gets late, the pub is closing and we are discussing where we will go next. i overhear ben and F2's bf talking quietly:

ben: i might just be better off going home for a wank
F2's bf: yeah, might be for the best
me: *cough in mock amazement* um, did i just hear what i think i heard?
ben: what?
F2's bf: what?
ben: i said i was going to go home via the bank
F2's bf: yeah, what did you think you heard?

i smile to myself and let the matter drop. it is agreed that F1 and i will go home, F2 will go to her bf's place, and ben will head off to a house party, of which our house is conveniently en route to. F1 & i talk to ben all the way home and he is funny and charming in a very english way. i decide that i like him.

a few days later, after a discussion with F2 where she agrees he would be keen, i decide that it's time to take some action on the ben scene. i add him as a friend on facebook and send him a message: hi ben, thanks for escorting F1 and i home the other night. i actually had to go via the bank myself, but it was rather boring on my own. perhaps we could go together next time? xx
i think i am witty and cute for a whole afternoon. until F1 & F2 get home from work that is:

F1: star! he's english!
me: so?
F1: well... you know that phrase "english reserve"?? there's a reason for it!
me: oh.
F2: you know, ben's a nice guy, but i think he likes a chase.
me: oh.
F2: i think you'll have to play a bit harder to get.
me: oh.

ben ignores my friend request and never replies to my message.

event 2 involving ben
by the time i have gotten over ben ignoring me, it is nearly christmas. since we will all be away over the break we have decided to have a flat christmas type do at the pub. earlier that week:

F2, casually: i told my bf to invite ben.
me: ah, really?!
F2: yeah, should i tell him to un-invite him?
me: errr... i guess not. i guess it will be okay.
F2: to be honest, he probably won't come.

we get to the pub, and ben is not there. i breathe a sigh of relief. we finish dinner and are getting sloshed when ben arrives. i ignore him as much as possible, but there's only six of us, so it's a bit awkward. F1, F2 and i have exchanged christmas gifts and F1 (i guess she just knows me too well!) has given me a very useful book: how to get a shag in 59 languages. we are passing it around the table and laughing. ben is reading out the flemish translations, when i decide to address him directly:

me: but don't you think, ben, that what it really needs, is the translation for: hi, do you fancy going via the bank sometime?

F1 blushes, F2 gives me a look, but ben laughs and i consider the tension broken. the night wears on and i don't pay ben too much more attention. we joke and laugh and take many pictures for our facebooks. ben and i have ended up sitting next to each other for much of the night and since i have been so very stand-offish, i figure it's looking good for me. as we are leaving i hope that there will be some suggestions made. but there isn't and he doesn't, and with my new "hard to get" attitude, i let it go. F2 & i walk back to the tube station:

me: i think he likes me.
F2: i think you'll have to play a bit harder to get.
me: *incredulous look* what?!
F2: ben likes a chase.
me: but that was me playing hard to get! i was like ignoring him and stuff!
F2: mmmm. maybe you shouldn't sit so close or take so many photos of him.
me: mmmmmm....
F2: and maybe next time you shouldn't ask him to marry you.
me: mmmmm....

event 3 involving ben
it is F2's bf's birthday and we are at the pub. (incidentally, it's been the same pub each time. we ♥ the white hart!) the night before, F2 has given me a lecture on playing hard to get. at the pub, we are having a great time drinking and laughing. at some point ben shows up but i don't trouble myself to say hello. he must be in another area of the pub because i hardly see him all night. i consider that i am being fabulously hard-to-get. and then:

F2: i just came out of the bathroom and ben did a poo in the ladies.
me: *speechless*
F2's bf: yeah, the men's is out of order
me: *still speechless*

for some reason, i am not particularly interested in ben anymore. i get my coat and go home to use the bathroom.