french men are not the best lovers in the world

i always intended to write and introduce F1 and F2, it's just that i never got around to it. they are, of course, my flatmates. i moved south of the river around the time that i split up with osg and have never looked back. it's something i should have done ages ago- not only is the area fabulous, F1 & F2 are actually really cool girls. (although sadly, i am unlikely to ever catch them bathing together.)

so F1 and F2 have both made it their mission to find me boys to sleep with. and although i didn't write about it, the night that i met the kid, i actually hooked up with a french guy from F1's work. he was a nice guy, quite cute really and not too bad in the bedroom. i was kind of looking forward to hearing from him again, when... i didn't. i sent him a text message a week later and there was no response. i was kinda disappointed but he'd told me at the time that there was someone else and he didn't want anything serious with me. (naturally i didn't want anything serious either, so i thought that was perfect!)

but today F1 tells me that she's heard gossip through the work grapevine and it has nothing to do with the other woman. apparently i now have a reputation at F1's work for "tiring men out". can you believe it?! we seriously only had sex three times... in any case, i'm on the lookout for a german boy now ;)

i simply cannot be satisfied in one 20-year-old's lunch break

so one of the kids from F1's work that i met on friday night added me on facebook. and i say "kid" as he is 20 (and btw what is with random people who you meet on a night out adding you on facebook? i find it alarming!)

anyway, so he adds me on facebook and starts sending me dirty messages. i chuckle to myself and start sending dirty messages back. after all, i am the queen of dirty messages and he is sure to crumble a long time before i do. predictably enough, i check with F1 and she confirms that the kid is all talk. apparently he has a long-term girlfriend and loves to flirt but would never take it further.

it gets more and more sordid and i confirm his intentions with F1. she confirms them back. we get more sordid still. he tells me he is going to come over and visit me in his lunch break. i don't believe him so i send him my address and tell him to come right over. he says he'll meet me at 1:30. i laugh and say okay. i meet him at the tube. he comes over to my house. i ask him if he wants a drink. he says he wants me. i say okay. i take my clothes off. he takes his clothes off. (keep in mind here that i never for one second actually think that this will result in sex.)

we go to the bedroom. i bend over. i think it might be about time that he's called my bluff. i stand up:

me: look, i think this has gone far enough. i know you have a long-term girlfriend.
kid: it's okay, she won't find out. i don't care.
me: well, i care.
kid: don't worry about her.
me: okay, well i care because F1 will kill me.
kid: i won't tell her.
me: i will! she's one of my best friends!
kid: it's nothing to do with her anyway.
me: look, this is just a bad idea, okay?
kid: oh, so it's you who can't rock it now??*
me: i'm sorry??
kid: you're not going to rock it coz you're scared?
me: what? i'm doing this for you bitch. as if i care? i'm not the one with the girlfriend.
kid: whatever.
me: fine.

i drag him to my bedroom. we have sex. he gets up, gets dressed and leaves. i tell him to send my love to his mother.

but you wanna know the worst part? i was just reaching for my whip when he blows his load. *sigh*


*authentic 20 year old lingo

i know!

i know, i know! i really must write in this blog. if you've been keeping up with the tweets then you'll know there's been stuff happening. i just haven't been writing. and for no real excuse either, as i haven't even been working that much! ha! i am addicted to facebook, what can i say?

so... benn with two n's turns out to be lovely and we flirted the whole way through our meeting. he even texted me when he sent me off to the job interview- an excuse to give me his phone number?? mmm... i gave it some thought and then decided to back off on this one. it's quite possible that the second n signifies that he's gay gay gay. plus, i need the job more than i need the sex so let's keep it professional.

anyway, did you catch that last part about the sex? that i don't need? yeah... it's all happening...