so, umm... hey. aren't drivers licence photos awful? i'll show you mine, if you show me yours...*

i have to be honest with you- it's been a shitful week. you may have noticed that i haven't been on twitter very much (read: at all). so i guess when this boy offered to have a drink with me, i didn't exactly tell him that i was busy washing my hair. plus, i figured we could have a little chat about our errrrr... varied sexual proclivities... shall we say.

it was only as he was getting dressed and walking out the door, after this, our fourth time, that i realised: i don't actually know his name.


*with thanks to @hopeinhell for inspiring this post title

hello, closure!

one of my readers told me that he doesn't like reading sad posts. (the same reader also offered to have a threesome with me, so i think i'm going to listen to him.) but this isn't a sad story, really. at least, i'm not sad about it. and i do feel that it's one i owe you.

a summary of events, as they unfolded, between #cookieboy and myself, is as follows:

1. i get to london
2. we decide not to see each other
3. we have a fight because we're not seeing each other
4. we make up and decide to see each other
5. we see each other.
6. it is amazing! angels sang. i will never forget how i felt that night.
7. *romantic pause*
8. due to the volcanic ash, i have a few extra, unexpected days in london.
9. i suggest that we get a hotel room so that we can spend some more time together. (by which, of course, i mean: have sex). the conversation goes something like this:

   me: sweetheart, it was so nice to see you. i was thinking maybe we could get a hotel room so we can spend some more time together.
   him: errr, i'm not too sure about that, star.
   me: *puzzled* oh?
   him: i just think you're living in the past.
   me: *more puzzled* oh?
   him: well, we're not together, anymore.
   me: i realise that, but i'm only here for a couple more days and i had such a nice time with you the other night. i'd like to spend some more time with you before i go.
   him: it's not about sex for you, you've got feelings for me.
   me: yes. yes, i do.
   him: well, i just think you don't realise that we've split up.
   me: ummm, no, no, i do realise that. we live in different countries. i just want to have a nice time with you while i'm here.
   him: i don't love you anymore.
   me: well, to be honest, i don't love you anymore, either. i just thought that it might be nice to spend some time together.
   him: i just don't think you get it.
   me: look, are you worried that we'll spend more time together, you'll get emotionally attached and then it will be hard for you when i leave?
   him: no, not at all. i just think that you still have feelings for me and you can't get over me.
   me: ummm. okay, then.
   him: *throws a tantrum and storms off*

his ridiculous behaviour and his lack of any sort of apology whatsoever made me fall out of love. yeah, he might of been special once, but now he's just someone who owes me a load of money. so, hello closure.

community service

yeah, i could tell you that i have no idea how i find myself in these situations, but that'd be a lie. i do, really: i like sex and it really isn't going to take much to get me into bed with you.

anyway. so, a good friend of a good friend is quite keen to sleep with me. ordinarily this would be excellent (see above re liking sex), but in this instance... well... we've already had sex once, and it wasn't anything to write home about. (and when i say it was nothing to write home about, let me assure you: i'm being generous. so generous, in fact, it's like i won the lottery and gave it all to you.)

anyway. so, i review my options and consider them to be as follows:

• say no. knowing that we are going to have to see each other frequently at social functions, and that he will know that i know that he wants to know me, and also know that i don't want to know him, even though i know that he will know that i know. (you got all that, right? awkwardness times a million.)
• say yes. be really crap, knowing that my friend will know that we know each other but are not going to know each other anymore because i am crap at knowing. (who am i kidding? my pride will never let me get away with this.)
• say yes. surely it can't be as bad as last time, right?

so, i go with option 3. and it is.

but the worst part? i haven't yet come up with an option 4 for next time he asks.


p.s. yeah, so i decided it was time to restart my blog. more about this in the next post. maybe. if i feel like it.