i am quite the subject-matter expert these days

obviously i had a number of reasons to be excited about coming to london, but one of the lesser reasons was the excitement about sleeping in an actual bed. yet, when i got to A1's house, it was to discover that his bed was absolutely shit. houses are let fully furnished in london and the bed had come with the room when he moved in. and it was really crap. i mean, really crap.

so it was on my second day in london that we went bed shopping. A1 had a recommendation about a store in swiss cottage so we caught the bus (double-decker, no less) across and tried every bed in the store. as it turns out it was lucky i was there:

A1: *choosing a bed frame* i think i like this one
me: errmmm... how are you gonna tie anyone to that?
A1: oh. ummm... well about this one? it has bed knobs
me: yeah, it's okay if you have ropes and you do tight knots but if you wanna use handcuffs you can just lift 'em over the knobs so it's a bit shit
A1: oh. how about this one?
me: yeah, well you can't tie ankles on that one.
A1: oh.

A1: my room's pretty small so i think i should get the smaller mattress
me: no, that's a really shit idea
*the salesperson shows us the small mattress again so A1 can see how small it really is*
me: seriously babe, this is too small
A1: but what if i wanna get a bigger desk?
me: don't get a bigger desk. this bed is gonna fit fuck all. i mean, what if you wanna fuck a fat chick?
A1: yeah, it might fit two people, but not three.
me: now you're talking my language

*we're standing at the counter, ready to purchase a frame (with a convenient decorative wave in the headboard that means you can slide rope or handcuffs through) and the larger sized mattress*
A1: so, star... you wanna buy me a bed?
me: *gets out credit card* (after all, i will have to sleep in it too. in the sort-term, at least)

as we're leaving the store A1 says: wow, i couldn't have done that without you. and it's true- he couldn't have.